Things I Never Thought I’d Say As A Teacher

I’ll never forget that moment when the door to my classroom slowly closed and clicked into place… and I had twenty nine Year 5/6 students looking up at me as their teacher. Waiting for me to kick things off.

After scanning around the room and realising that, yes there definitely was no supervising teacher that I could defer to during a lesson, I promptly executed the perfect opening to my class:

“So, in case you hadn’t noticed, the freckles on my face mean I know how to have fun.”


Why the hell did I say that? What does that even mean?

And that’s how my first day, no minute, began. With me madly trying to backtrack and explain that anyone can know how to have fun, not just people with freckles.

Since the moment I became a fully fledged teacher, there have been many, many moments where I have had to pause and take a breath, hang my head in subtle shame, or simply giggle to myself due to the ridiculousness of what I’ve just said.

Is it just me, or wouldn’t it be amazing to create some sort of compilation of the ridiculous things we find ourselves saying every single day?

I’m happy to start things off. As we move into Term Two and prepare ourselves that, indeed, Winter is Coming, what better time to try and forget by celebrating those unexpected, slightly dumbfounded and head scratching things that jump from our mouths.

Ridiculousness #1

There are times when my core beliefs are just rocked by what I say. Like while walking past a student stuffing their mouth full during lunchtime on Italian Day:

“Do you need that much pizza?”


Don’t be an idiot. Everyone knows whatever amount of pizza you feel like, add another slice (and jalapenos).

Ridiculousness #2

During another episode of “Surviving The Prep Yard Second Half Yard Duty On A Friday”:

“Hey! Slides are only for going down!!”


I’m not going to lie. A small part of my creative and imaginative side died that day. As did that Prep’s smile.

Ridiculousness #3

Sometimes while class is happening, the suddenness of silence can be extremely disconcerting. Either someone is hurt, up to no good, about to be up to no good, or students have caught a slightly worrying sight.

“Why did you try and step into the toilet?”

Shaking Head

Sometimes just because your big sister is going through Muck Up Week at her high school, it doesn’t mean your primary school is too. It was the last time he stepped into a toilet to check if it was covered with Clingwrap. My advice, quickly move the class onto to a game or activity they love to distract them…immediately.

Ridiculousness #4

Whether we are in the middle of a maths session, reading activity, sports game, Prep buddy game or stroll to assembly, kids can react in strange ways to friends trying to help them.

“Do you think it was helpful to punch him in the face?”


Sometimes the best of mates just don’t like being told to join the line so we can all head inside for a maths test.

Ridiculousness #5

Here’s the thing. Farts are something no one prepared me for before I became a teacher. Kids almost seem to know when you are standing or walking nearby and can use the most accurate trajectory to cause hell to your nostrils.

It’s seriously ridiculous how you try to conquer this:

“Remember, if you need to fart just give the secret signal and head to the corridor”


Seriously?! A secret signal?! (Truth be told, it worked).

What ridiculous words, statements or questions have come out of your mouth? (Or into your ears while teaching with friends!). Why not share them as a comment below, or with our Facebook Group to help bring a smile, giggle or chortle to someone else.


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Ready for some more? You might like these…

Teacher Tip #76: Act Like An Idiot (Sometimes)

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